It’s kind of a busy day at work, but I’ll see if I can’t bang out answers for five or six of these:
• Why do all of the deli guys and food cart guys call me “Boss” (well, me and everyone else)?
They don’t know your name, chief. Introduce yourself next time!
• I am an 11-year-old boy and girls in my class harass me constantly and I want to file a restraining order against one of them. Is that possible?
Yes!
• Does indoor tanning hurt your tits if you have had a breast silicone implant put in for over 30 years?
First, let’s assume you’re at least 55 years old, have breast implants and enjoy indoor tanning. You are gross. Now, to answer your question… it depends. Are your implants located near your dignity? Because yes, that might hurt.
• My toaster identifies which of the two slots should be used for making a single slice of toast. Why does it make a difference which slot I use?
Please consult your instruction manual.
• If one gets a personal e-mail from a very famous or important person, such as the president, or the queen of England, or the Pope, or Paul McCartney, can that e-mail have monetary value? I guess not. It’s just an electronic transmission on a screen. There’s no original. There’s no way to buy or sell it. Seems a shame tho.
Did you work this out in your head before you started typing it in an e-mail? Or… did you work it out in the e-mail and hit send anyway? Oh, shit. Sorry! I guess I’m answering a question with a question! How rude of me. Answer: You’re an idiot.
• What is the most disloyal dog breed?
Terrific question. It’s a tie between the Maltese and the Weimaraner.
